I added the blog posts from an old blog that I deleted due to the shame I felt just reading my own words. It’s hard for me to reconcile the fact that these bizarre things are my experiences. So here’s what happened:
After the last post, I got serious about recovering my mental health. I used CCI worksheets with my psychiatrist to work on myself. I used the DBSA groups 2-3 times a week, and got myself feeling mentally well for the first time in years.
I went forward with my business once I was stable for a year. It is a healthcare business. I began seeing clients and things went well until … they stopped which was roughly 1.5 years. I began experiencing paranoia and delusions again along with manic/depressive symptoms. So I started therapy.
My therapist is hard to describe. She’s very kind, but also kind of a hard ass. She is quick to point out flaws in my thinking and behavior. At first, this made me really uncomfortable. I guess, I can dish it out, but I can’t take it. It took me probably 2 years to feel truly comfortable with her because I guess I just need time.
The relationship I had with my psychiatrist ultimately fell apart, which is a story for another day, but one that ends with me finding a psychiatric nurse practitioner who is also good.
I’m telling this a little out of order, but this is how it is. In October, I was involved in a serious motor vehicle accident. I broke my tibial plateau, had a spiral fracture to the tibia, and a small fracture to the femur. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks, a wheelchair for 14 weeks, and am now using a cane. I have lived alone in my basement since then. I was only given a couple of weeks off work, and my business had fallen apart financially, so I just did my best. I was experiencing pain and was eventually diagnosed with complex regional pain syndrome. I took the last week of February and month of March off because I was experiencing terrible anxiety related to my accident and my pain. I couldn’t sit at my computer anymore. The pain was so unbelievable.
And then I checked my Voicemail and everything changed …
