I woke up this morning thinking about my psychiatrist and how much I like her. My life is so much better because of her. I wish I could send her flowers every day. She has magical powers. Her presence is enchanting. She is a good witch who practices magic to help others.
I had been feeling out-of-sorts for a while and was only sleeping 4 hours a night. I started taking prednisone for an injury, and that’s when my thoughts spiraled out of control. I felt like something wasn’t right, but I was limited in my capacity to figure out what it was. My unusual beliefs about my psychiatrist’s powers as a witch went on for days. I sat on the sofa overlooking our pond and puzzled over these perceptions. Was it possible? Of course it was. I imagined her dressed in sparkling white, with a silver wand in her hand. These thoughts were not completely new to me. I had encountered them before.
I believed in her magic. I believed in her. She was powerful and extraordinary. She had the presence of the supernatural.
Then one day, for an inexplicable reason, my thinking changed.
My psychiatrist is a bad witch. There is darkness around her. She uses her powers to control me. She wants to harm me.
She was dressed in black, with a black pointy hat. Her brow was furrowed, her lips in a frown. I felt angry and afraid and I believed she was out to get me. She scared me. I looked around me to find a place that I was safe from her. My mind tricked me into believing she was causing awful things to happen,
As time passed, my mind returned from the preternatural. I felt foolish if not confused by my unusual thoughts and beliefs. It is scary to lose control of your thoughts and to realize you have lost touch with reality, especially in such a bizarre way,
My relationship with my psychiatrist is a delicate balance of asking for and accepting help. I trust her with my secrets and she listens and helps me to work through problems that I am having. After seeing her, I often leave feeling encouraged and positive. My psychiatrist is not my friend, and I don’t want her to be. It’s an uneven relationship and the power dynamic is in her favor. I care about my psychiatrist as a person. She has been there to support me through the best and worst of times in my life.
If I’m honest, my psychiatrist is magical in her own way. I do believe in her ability to do extraordinary things and her presence is powerful to me.
